Tuesday, May 28, 2013

oh the places I'll go...

An excerpt from one of my FAVORITE books that speaks to me right now...

"You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted.  But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing."

Lately I feel a little like I'm in The Waiting Place...waiting around for a yes or a no from all my job applications. Still waiting for answers about teaching positions in Kazakhstan and upstate New York...
(from my visit to the Sacred Grove...amazing)

Meanwhile I fill out more and more applications. I have a skype interview on Friday for a postdoc position at Harvard! Cross your fingers for me!!

I've never been one that enjoys The Waiting Place. Whether it be a strength or a weakness, I like to ACT, to feel like I am moving forward. This time around it's rough because I don't know exactly what I am moving forward TO. I know I will likely be moving far away, but who knows where? I know I will defend my dissertation in June and graduate in August, but beyond that, it's dark. As a speaker in sacrament meeting put it a few weeks ago, I am in the "Holy Place of Uncertainty." Will I find the bright places where boom bands are playing? Or will I grind on for miles across weirdish wild space? Will the streets be marked? Will the windows be lighted? Should I turn left or right?

As much as this time is uncertain, it is also holy and sweet. It is a time to trust the Lord and have the faith that if I do all I can, He will open doors for me. Recently some of my favorite verses of the Book of Mormon are 2 Nephi 4:33-35. Nephi's prayer to the Lord resonates with me:

"Wilt thou make my path straight before me!...O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever...Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen."

My path is clear because I will trust in the Lord forever.

In the meantime, I plan on having the best summer! I look forward to spending time with family that are close by. I may not be so close in a few months so I need to eat them up!!

Also on the list: partying it up with Steph! She was the angel I needed after the mission. We have lived together for 2 1/2 years and plan on ending this era with a bang!

Secret confession...I've already teared a couple times thinking of leaving my family, roommates, ward friends, lab friends, and high school friends that are still around. So for now I'm not thinking about it!!